It’s been eight months. 

It’s been eight months since I bid adieu to the city I once called “home”

It’s been eight months since I

meal-prepped my lunches,

did grocery shopping on my own,

ran from the other side of the road to conquer the daily 30km/h winter wind,

cleaned the whole unit with my roommates a day before an inspection,

rolled out of bed or shut down my laptop (the one that usually has a 2000-word essay due the next day) to embark on these random Coles or Meet Fresh 鲜芋仙 or Soupa Kitchen trips with you (c’mon girls, you know who you are)

wore a Heattech inside the house because we are too broke to leave the heater on all night (unless if it’s really, really cold),

talked and laughed with my roommates (and few other ‘visitors’) about a bunch of random things until midnight,

hopped on and off trams, trains, buses, 

and don’t get me started on me having a set of weekend routine of:

1. catching the 109 tram or the 30-minute express train via Flinders Station to South Melbourne
2. stopping by a dear friend’s house in the city 
3. hanging out at Yo-Chi 

how I have missed you, Melbourne. As much as I love your beautiful sunsets (which to be honest, happens quite rarely), wonderful coffees, friendly baristas, and shopkeepers, I know that somehow, someday, I will have to say goodbye to you. For good, for the better. 

Thankfully, you were not my hardest goodbye. Jakarta was (don’t get me started on finishing up 224 tissues the day my mom left my share house back in first year). 

Why risk it?

Why not get a master’s degree here?

Why not stay for another 2 years on TR (Temporary Residence)? 

Why do you have to leave? 

Those questions were what my dear friend, Josephine, threw over the weeks after Cynthia and I bought our one-way ticket home. How sweet of her. (By the way, this is also a way for me to say, I miss you, Cep!)

During my first few months back in Jakarta, I got reunited with a friend who told me something like “Dis, lu lumayan cepet ya settling down nya,” to which I responded “iya ya? Puji Tuhan.” 

While questioning myself, was my transition period that smooth? 

I guess so, I mean I heard stories of those who experienced a hard time transitioning. But then I realized that my ‘transition’ period actually took place way before I arrive in Jakarta. It feels like ages ago, but it is truly a humbling experience worth remembering. 

It was weeks before I finished my final year of uni, when I experienced the so-called quarter-life crisis.

Those are the days, weeks, and months of me being anxious and just frantically applying for jobs back home, 

making back-and-forth calls home to ask my parents whether or not I have made the right decision of leaving Melbourne, 

talking with my roommate about how a lot of things could be much worse back home, 

and crying on a bus ride weeks before deciding to order my one-way ticket home. 

There was a time where my pastor back in Melbourne used to recite out of Romans 8:28, over and over again. In his words, “God always has the best interest for His children”. It might sound like a cliché to someone, especially to me back at the time when I was going through the crisis. 

Sad times. Though I’m thankful that I experienced it alongside people who love and care about my wellbeing. On top of all, praise God, who works all things together for good. Ultimately, for His glory alone. 

“And we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28

Friends, the crisis doesn’t stop when I landed in Jakarta. It continues as I faced my unemployment period in Jakarta. I started questioning things like:

“what if I didn’t take an Arts major and go for business? I may have landed a full-time job already by now”, 

“what good could there possibly be?”, 

and a lot more of the sorts.

Thankfully, the Lord rebuked me out of it from His word and also through good friends who counsel me throughout. 

He continues to show how faithful He is and makes me realize how foolish and limited I am to think that I have the better plan B.

He taught me how to be content- even without a job title on my LinkedIn profile,

reminding me that I am first and foremost His child before an employee at whatever company I work for

(check out this article btw if you need encouragement through your unemployment, https://au.thegospelcoalition.org/article/sanctification-job-hunt/)

And to answer those questions I questioned back during the crisis, “what good could there possibly be?”, the Romans 8:28 answer would be, “His’ good.”. 

Throughout my quarter-life crisis, I learned that it is not a full-time job offer that becomes my light at the end of a tunnel, 

Nor my own grit in frantically applying to jobs, 

Nor the paycheck I received, 

“What good could there possibly be out of a quarter-life crisis?”

His good. 

It is in standing firm on the Solid Rock, on Christ alone and acknowledging that putting my full hope on all other ground (my Plan B, C, D) are sinking sand. 

In the end, my quarter-life crisis or whatever sorts of suffering I face will never be about me, but ultimately point me upward to Christ, He who has suffered faithfully for my sins on the cross. 

Ending this reflection by sharing my favorite quote from the Heidelberg Catechism q. 1,

Q. What is your only comfort in life and death?

A.  That I am not my own, but belong with body and soul, both in life and in death, to my faithful Saviour Jesus Christ.

 

Soli Deo Gloria